Case report, cook, 29 years old
I withdrew, hardly went out any more and rarely spent time with other people. I also had depressive phases. I just sat on the couch and let my thoughts drift.
It kept getting worse. I had no more contact with the outside world, except at work. But that didn’t bother me — I didn’t want anything to do with people. At the time I was also smoking a lot of cannabis, but I didn’t get high any more; I was smoking out of boredom because it was there. And I had the feeling I needed it to keep my head running smoothly.
Everyday things became harder and harder. I couldn’t take out the rubbish any more, I had no motivation to tidy up.
I did notice that something was wrong with me. I searched a lot online, about depression, but also about schizophrenia, because my father had it. I did many online self-tests and they all told me I should see a doctor. That made me think — there must be something to it if they all say that.
On Facebook I came across “Alles Gute Basel” and pinned the page to my wall so I could find it again if things didn’t improve.
In October I tried to take my own life, but when I saw my cat I couldn’t go through with it. Afterwards I contacted FePsy by e-mail:
“I came across your website via the Facebook page ‘Alles Gute Basel’. Since most of the articles describe exactly what I feel has been happening to me, either right now or for a much longer time, I would like to ask for your help. I no longer know how things are supposed to continue for me. Unfortunately I can’t describe everything that is happening or going on in my head. In any case, I’ve ruined so much in my life because of it. I also don’t know if I’m just imagining it all and it isn’t actually that bad, but somehow I can’t believe that. That’s why I need help.”
The first time I came here, I felt terrible. I just couldn’t imagine something like this happening to me. But even after the first conversation I felt relieved that there was someone listening to me and wanting to help me get a handle on it again.
When I was then given the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, it was no great surprise — I had sensed for a while that something was wrong with me. I had read a lot online and had seen it in my father. I would recommend to anyone going through something similar to have the courage to come in. There is nothing worse than locking yourself away at home alone. That destroys so much. There is also no need to be ashamed. If it hits you, it hits you. That sucks, just as having cancer sucks. I also felt at home in the centre from the start. It isn’t sterile there, which I found sympathetic. I don’t regret coming here at all — on the contrary, it feels good and it helps to put what goes on in your head into words.